Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

The world isn't like it was when I was a child and I think that today's children are running amuck. But unlike when I was a child, most parents today don't seem to believe in spanking when a child gets completely out of hand. Where do you stand when it comes to punishing an unruly child. Do you believe in spanking or time-outs? What type of behavior do you feel warrants what type of punishment.

To Spank or Not To Spank
(that is the question)

Dear To Spank or Not To Spank

First I will address the part of your question that interest me the most. "When they get out of hand." Therein lies the problem. Children should be dealt with from the moment they first draw breath. Spare the rod and spoil the child. I believe mortals have applied the wrong thinking to verse. It does not mean to not spank and spoil children by giving into their silly demands. It means if you do not spank them you will spoil them and they will grow into obnoxious little brats that even their parents cannot tolerate but will lie and try to defend their bad behavior. Then these little ruffians will grow into adulthood and inflict their bad behavior on the world at large. When that time comes and they dare come near my playground I will give them what their mama and daddies didn't. But then it will be too late for I do not give warnings or that nonsense TIME OUT!! What the hell is that all about? When I meet your little mortal darlings I will give them a time out alright...a permanent time out. My suggestion to mortal parents: DO YOUR JOB SO I WON'T HAVE TO.

Now to the second part of your question. A child can and should be trained. And do not dare to take umbrage with my words. The Bible says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. That is true.

I am not an advocate of beating children, quite the opposite. As I said, from the moment a child is born you should train him/her. First with your voice. The inflections will relay to the child your seriousness. Do not give ridiculous punishments that you have no plans to carry out. And time out, please ask a child if it works.

When to spank depends on the age of the child as do how hard to spank and the where. A spanking should never leave a child with marks. That takes it to a beating and that's where I come in. You beat a child and I find out and you will receive trice what you gave.

From birth to 2 years of age a firm NO should do. From 2-4yrs of age hold the child firmly so that he can see your eyes and speak firmly. At this age a warning of a spanking is necessary. If the child continues behavior that you have warned him of then a spanking that was promised should be given. One swat on the behind should be sufficient. A reminder that this was promised should also be given. 5-8 years of age. If you have done the previous years properly a look should be all that is needed.

One bit of advise: Never hit a child to teach him or her not to hit. A bit ironic don't you think?

From 9-18 tell them of me and that I wait for them to reach the age of majority and that I do not love them. If that doesn't scare them straight then I am what they need and what they will get. I hope that answers your questions.

Of course you're aware that my advice pertains only to mortal children. I killed my unruly offspring.

Adam Omega


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