Monday, January 28, 2008

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

With the upcoming election, I was wondering what are your political views. What do you think this country needs in a President? In fact, were you running for the office of President of the United States what would you want to do to make America better?

AND....who would you want as a vice-president?


Dear Chad,

What an excellent question. Generally I do not sully my hands or my mind with politics, but since you asked I will answer. Your immense field of politicians have barked out for over one year now what they will do, how hard they will work for America. I have long wondered how they can make such a silly claim when they prove otherwise. Chad, you may be mortal, but since you were intelligent enough to ask this question then I can only assume you are intelligent enough to understand my answer. This pool of candidates like all candidates can not possibly be doing the jobs they were already voted in their offices to do. Why do I say this? They are on the campaign trail day and night. When do they work? And yet you mortals, the American people pay them tremendous amounts of money to allow them to go after yet another job where they will do even less work. That's dumb even for mortals.

I believe your country would greatly benefit from a candidate sitting at their desk doing the job they've been paid to do and simply stating, I'm working that's what I plan to do if you make me your president. I'm too busy to go out campaigning. You know where to find me should you need me.

If I were president I would not need a vice president. I do not work well with others. Besides, what good is a vice president? Would they replace me? HAHAHA. Surely you jest.

I would end your war overnight. Ask me how. I would appoint vampires into all seats of power. I would scrap Air force 1 and 2. I have no need of planes. I would eliminate life long pensions from the mortal bloodsuckers who have not earned such a thing. I would not turn all of America into vampires. I daresay there are enough already but I would infuse my blood into your citizens and make them stronger, better able to resist disease.

Lastly I would take all of your politicians and create a place for them where they would be fed and well cared for ( in a manner of speaking) and they could bore the hell out of each other. They would not be allowed near anything that contained money. I won't say most have sticky fingers, I'm just saying I will prevent the threat.

I will dispatch squads of my choosing to take care of your gang and drug problems that suck the life and hope out of your country. Let's see what happens when they're face with For REAL Blood Suckers.

I want to thank you Chad for getting my blood flowing this morning. You have stirred controversy in my heart. I beleive I will see if there is yet time for me to cast my hat into the ring. Can I count on your vote? What the hell. I can just put the entire country under on election day and take the election. I've heard it's been stolen before.

Adam Omega


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