Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

1.How do you feel about meeting a woman, whom you really like and want to get to know better but you find out that she has 3 kids already.


Single Mom,







Dear Single Mom



Motherhood is one of the greatest blessing. Were you aware that the blood of a mother tastes sweeter by far than that of a woman who has never given birth? Were I the male in question I would worship and adore you. If you were with any that I command the same would hold true. Fret not Dear Single Mom, for you are one of the jewels in the breastplate of the priest. Good things will be showered upon you if you do not falter. Fear not. If the living does not appreciate you the undead will.

Adam Omega


Vampire

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

It is rumored that you have quite a sweet tooth. In fact, it is said that you have a gluttonous appetite for Little Debbie snack cakes. Which cake is your favorite? There's so many to choose from. I don't know how you could ever choose just one!



Munchkin











Dear Munchkin,


Umm umm umm. You make me salivate just thinking of which little Debbie Snack cakes are my favorites. I do believe you've asked me a question that I don't have a ready answer for. While I do indeed have a sweet tooth I've never had to choose a favorite because I have no dental problems, of if I'm being honest, no problems of any kind.

I will however investigate my appetites concerning the aforementioned cakes. I will send my mortal helper to gather them and I will test them. I do thank you for giving me something to ponder. I'm having AB- for my midmorning snack so maybe a strawberry snake cake will do nicely.

Adam Omega

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

Bad boys are those guys, who are appealing because they are either handsome, charming, or have a bank roll and think that allows them get away with unacceptable behavior. Do you consider yourself a "bad boy" or simply a victim of circumstances that if those circumstances were different you would be as well?

Karen




Dear Karen,


As to your question: What do I consider that I am. I am Adam Omega. True I am handsome, appealing and having a humongous bankroll. I do not consider that I get away with bad behavior. I live by a code of rules that I enforce. My rules are not enforced by my looks, my appeal or my money. My rules are enforced by my authority. I am Adam. I was meant to be obeyed. What you mortals think of as a bad boy makes me laugh. Your mortal bad boys are merely children playing at something. If you don't believe me introduce one of them to me. The smell of their fear as they look upon my face would be enough to stink up an entire city block. Trust me my dear, the mundane things you speak of are but trinkets. It is the holder of the power that invoke respect. I invoke respect.

I say all of this with the utmost sincerity. There is none who can stop me, none whom I fear. My word is law. Period. Obey and live. Defy me and...Well you get the gist of it don't you?


Adam Omega

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

With the upcoming election, I was wondering what are your political views. What do you think this country needs in a President? In fact, were you running for the office of President of the United States what would you want to do to make America better?

AND....who would you want as a vice-president?

"Chad"













Dear Chad,

What an excellent question. Generally I do not sully my hands or my mind with politics, but since you asked I will answer. Your immense field of politicians have barked out for over one year now what they will do, how hard they will work for America. I have long wondered how they can make such a silly claim when they prove otherwise. Chad, you may be mortal, but since you were intelligent enough to ask this question then I can only assume you are intelligent enough to understand my answer. This pool of candidates like all candidates can not possibly be doing the jobs they were already voted in their offices to do. Why do I say this? They are on the campaign trail day and night. When do they work? And yet you mortals, the American people pay them tremendous amounts of money to allow them to go after yet another job where they will do even less work. That's dumb even for mortals.

I believe your country would greatly benefit from a candidate sitting at their desk doing the job they've been paid to do and simply stating, I'm working that's what I plan to do if you make me your president. I'm too busy to go out campaigning. You know where to find me should you need me.

If I were president I would not need a vice president. I do not work well with others. Besides, what good is a vice president? Would they replace me? HAHAHA. Surely you jest.

I would end your war overnight. Ask me how. I would appoint vampires into all seats of power. I would scrap Air force 1 and 2. I have no need of planes. I would eliminate life long pensions from the mortal bloodsuckers who have not earned such a thing. I would not turn all of America into vampires. I daresay there are enough already but I would infuse my blood into your citizens and make them stronger, better able to resist disease.

Lastly I would take all of your politicians and create a place for them where they would be fed and well cared for ( in a manner of speaking) and they could bore the hell out of each other. They would not be allowed near anything that contained money. I won't say most have sticky fingers, I'm just saying I will prevent the threat.


I will dispatch squads of my choosing to take care of your gang and drug problems that suck the life and hope out of your country. Let's see what happens when they're face with For REAL Blood Suckers.


I want to thank you Chad for getting my blood flowing this morning. You have stirred controversy in my heart. I beleive I will see if there is yet time for me to cast my hat into the ring. Can I count on your vote? What the hell. I can just put the entire country under on election day and take the election. I've heard it's been stolen before.


Adam Omega

Vampire

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

How does a powerful vampire spend his day?




Curious





Dear Curious,


Have you ever heard the phrase curiosity killed the cat? It's true. It's also true that curiosity kills the curious.


Adam Omega

Vampire

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

Is Eve aware that you're online threatening those who dare to ask you questions that you don't want to answer with promises that you will drain them dry...and making them like it? I've got the feeling that she wouldn't be to happy with your treatment of everyday mortals.


Tattle-tale







Dear Tattle-tale


Let me assure you. Though Eve is the love of my life, she does not control me. I will admit there are many ways that Eve can persuade me. But she has not been using those methods as of late.

Now as to my issuing threats. I have never done that. What I have done is to make promises. A threat is meaningless and usually the one issuing it has no power to fulfill it. I on the other hand have much power behind my words. That my dear Tattle-tale is a promise.


Adam Omega

Vampire

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

It would appear that my inept attempt at humor has incurred your wrath and I now live in fear of losing the very thing I value most, my life.

Therefore I find myself in the awkward position of groveling at your feet and ask if you could find it in your cold heart to forgive my jest and let me live yet another day.

Kid Ding






Dear Kid Ding,


I will answer you thusly. Until you learn the proper way to grovel I will leave you in fear. You seek to make sport of me, to mock me. He who laughs last will always be Adam. Sleep well mortal, for I know where you reside, I have the scent of your blood in my nostrils. You are but a heartbeat away. I urge you to use caution when dealing with me. Do not attempt your pitiful excuses for groveling unless you can do it properly.

Mortals. Why do I bother?


Adam Omega

Vampire

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

I have been wondering about vampire. I want to know how you can ingest blood from mortals and not worry about the blood type. Would you answer that for me please?


Blood Type--A-













Dear Blood Type--A-


Hmmm. You do have one of my favorite blood types. It reminds me of a Little Debbie snack cake. (Hello, Viola, my delicious little snack cake ) Back to you Blood Type A- In the infinite wisdom of the universe you could say that vampires are the ultimate receivers of blood. We do not discriminate. We love blood in all it's many varieties. But I must confess I do have my favorites. And yours top the list. Take care and keep 'OUR" blood plentiful.


Adam Omega

Vampire

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

You are by far the most perfect vampire in the world. You are sexy, smart and wiser than even King Solomon. My love for you knows no bounds. But, you are in love with Eve and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it if you had a mistress. So, I know how bothersome you find Sullivan to be. Might I suggest that I give myself to him...for you? Perhaps that way he won't have time to flirt with Eve....Ooo...I probably shouldn't have said that. But I promise to keep him busy night and day if you hook us up.

Slave To Love













My Dear Slave to Love,


Your words please me immensely and have brought a smile to my lips. Such devotion should be rewarded and I can promise you that I have every plan to do just that. There is one little problem with your request. I do not share. If you love me as you say you now belong to me.

Sullivan is a bit more than an annoyance, that much is true. Were I not insanely jealous, and would that Sullivan bedded mortals I might be slightly tempted. but alas my Dear Slave, Sullivan would not give you a second glance. You however have my eternal gratitude and will be well rewarded. I promise.

Adam Omega

Dear Adam

Mr. Omega,


I dreamt of you last night. Then I could swear I felt this tiny shiver. It was almost as though I could feel you inside my body. Were you?


Annie










Dear Annie,


If I had been inside you there would have been nothing little about it, even the shiver. But not to worry, you dreamt of me. That's a good start for a mortal.


Adam Omega

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

How can I obtain immortality? I don't want to be a vampire...or drink blood...or be undead. I just want to live forever and have violet eyes. Purple's my all time favorite color and I think it would be especially cool to have eyes that were that color for real.


The Purple Princess





My Dear Purple Princess,


Surely as a mortal you've heard of this mortal invention. Two words: Pearl Vision. As for immortality it appears your vanity outweighs your wish to be immortal.


Adam Omega

Vampire

Dear Adam,

I am an old woman. I long to be young. I've heard that drinking vampire blood is like having a drink from the Fountain of Youth. Is this true? Or don't you share your blood.

Victoria

Victoria,

What you believe is indeed true. A vampire's blood is the font of eternal live. One drink from this fountain and you would again be young and vibrant.But alas, you're right a second time.

I do not share my blood with any besides my wife.

Perhaps there are other things I can give you. I can give you dreams of youth, nights of passion. I can make it so that when you look in your mirror you will see the face that looked back on you from your youth. Would you like that my dear, Victoria?

ADAM OMEGA

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Dear Adam:

I have a question about sex. My boyfriend wants to do it in a casket at midnight under a full moon. The trouble is he wants the casket closed, and I want it open. Which is best?

Thanks for writing "Ask Adam." I wouldn't know who else to ask. Can you help us?

Emily


Emily,

My dear what games are you playing with your lover? I do not brag. There is no need. I am Adam Omega and I am without a doubt A GREAT LOVER!! That said, I would never make love to a woman in a coffin, closed or otherwise. What nonsense. A woman's body should be laid on a bed of pure silk. And I don't mean that crap that undertakers tell the family the coffins are covered in.

No I mean real silk. A woman should feel free when making love. How could you when you're enclosed in a tiny container. You need room to allow your legs to wrap around your lover's body, for him to travel up and down yours pausing at his leisure to place kisses on your satin flesh, to nibble you and make you scream with the wanting, to touch you and make you...

Are you with me? If your lover can't find such accommodations for you allow me to show you the way to heaven. Eve has no objections to such mattings.


ADAM OMEGA

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Dear Adam,

I really need your help. Someone is stalking me. At night whenever I look out my window, I see him in the shadows of the streetlights. He's always looking up toward me. What will he do next, and will I enjoy it?

Loveless in Seattle


Dear Loveless in Seattle,

I can see all things when I chose to. With you I decided that it was necessary. The man who stalks you will not do pleasant things to you. If you wish to feel perverted pleasure from being stalked then lets do this in a safe manner.

Tonight at precisely 10 P.M I want you to go to your bedroom window and disrobe. I want you to play the song, "Come to me" by Adam and then wait.

You will feel shivers chase across your flesh. You will feel my breath hot against your throat and you will wonder. You will be afraid as you should be. But tomorrow you wil yet live.

ADAM OMEGA

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Dear Adam,

I want a baby vampire. Do you know of any sperm bank where I can get one?

Thank you.

Joan


My Dear Sweet Delusional Joan,

If a baby is what you desire you may as well have a human one. They will both suck the life blood from you.

ADAM OMEGA

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Dear wonderful Adam,

I love you. How can I get a date with you? You are my ideal man. So strong...handsome...and yummy. I can be "yummy" too. Try a bite.

Love, Rose


Rose,


You're my kind of woman. Thank you for the invitation. I will accept. And might I add you have exquisite taste. I am indeed the idea man and should be immolated. You have chosen wisely. I will take that bite sooner than you think.

ADAM OMEGA

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Dear Adam,

You have been around for so long, and I know you have seen all the great lovers throughout the centuries, but I think I have the greatest love story of all.

Vector loves me more than life. He told me that if I were dead and bloodless he would love me even more. Such devotion! He loves to nip at my neck just to have a tiny sip of my blood. Clearly no man has ever loved a woman more. Do you agree?

My question is will I need a transfusion soon?

Scarlett

Scarlett, Darling,

Your lover has a problem. Dead is dead. He may well love you more but remember this. You won't know it for you will no longer be alive.

You will not need a transfusion you will need a coffin.


ADAM OMEGA

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Dear Adam,

If I could only meet my ideal lover, which is you, I'd be happy. I know that's not possible because you love Eve so much.

However, my girlfriend told me that if I go to the cemetery late at night, I might meet a man like you. She told me to wear a black cloak and hold up a "steak," so he'd know I had no bad intentions toward him.

Is she teasing me? She swears she isn't.

Just wondering and hoping.


Dear Just Wondering,

Your girlfriend is partially correct. But you will also need a bottle of wine, baked potatoes and a salad. Then a nice cozy bed would be an added bonus.

ADAM OMEGA

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